like i said, its been WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too long. i was starting to miss people here. lets see, whats happened since ive been on...ive finished junior year, been rejected, had my heart broken, found out one of my best friends is gay, nearly gone insane (several times), nearly tried to beat someone within an inch of his life, had to protect someone i love from someone i call a monster, nearly had a nervous breakdown, started a college class, signed up for a mission trip, been rejected for several jobs, and completely changed my hair. i think that about covers it ^^

there has been way too much going on for me to sum everything up. theres probably more stuff that i cant remeber...and theres definately stuff im just gonna leave out. im really kinda in a weird mix of depressed and content/happy too. im not sure what to do about that, sometimes its like im being ripped apart.

ive been having problems at home that i wish would just stop. im stuck with the ones who i cant stand most of the times, but i dont want to go back to the other one. at one i get ignored and brushed off like i dont exist...im just there to babysit or something else. but at the others, its disgusting and suffocating.

also ive been trying to work through a lot of issues...its not working...or maybe it is. either way i just sat in my room and cried quietly to myself for a while in the middle of the afternoon and no one even noticed. im tired of not being noticed, but theres not much i can do.

i miss my friends terribly, especially you amber. i havent seen you in forever and have no way to contact you. if you ever read this, contact me! i really want to hang out with my friend seth, but ive been basically trapped here...but soon ill be able to go back for at least a little while...

so other than periods of feeling extreme lonliness and depression as well as anger and hoplesness, ive been pretty good. if i was anybetter id be dead 8D oh well. im tired of this already...think ill go to bed...